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Resentment and forgiveness

2/12/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture
Forgive your enemies…it messes up their heads!
Just kidding, but laughter, and humor can help you on your way to loving, lightening up, and letting go of the things that keep us heavy, and in a lower vibration, and even sick.


Disease breeds in unforgiveness. It has nothing to do with condoning the behavior. Resentment is a choice, a refusal to forgive, to let it go, to bury the hatchet. It is sometimes much stronger than the actual incident, and is usually the byproduct of a history of unhappiness, a pattern, with a belief at it’s core. Proving that belief true (repeatedly) can become more important than the freedom, relief, and mental and emotional health that forgiveness can offer.


“Living with resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other guy to get sick”. But you’re the one who gets sick, with thoughts of trying to get even, proving how hurt you are, and reliving it in your mind, in all it’s glory. The person who was your focus, meanwhile, probably is feeling fine, unaware of your animosities, and especially how much space it has taken in your brain. It ultimately hurts you far more than the person toward whom you bear the grudge.


Usually, the very person you find it hardest to forgive is often the one you need to let go of the most.
I have found that releasing resentment, and forgiving, can help to dissolve the energy of 

dis-ease, and can even dissolve cancer. The contraction around some hurt can be like a small splinter of glass, that never gets absorbed, or healed, but grows scar tissue around it. You may have lost track of the initial wounding! You may collect hurts and resentments, to “prove” something”, maybe a belief of yours, or to show someone something, like how bad you made me feel.
Carefully collecting hurts and resentments, like chips that you can someday cash in, can expend a lot of life force. Unfortunately, the gift you receive may be an illness, or a life of lower vibration, or the inability to receive love. Yes, it’s hard to love someone who is in that state. It is also hard to see them. We get so involved in our own movie of what’s so.


Plus, we unconsciously follow our beliefs, and make them right. Maybe those beliefs came from someone else, like our parents, or maybe it is a limiting belief (people always leave me, you can’t trust anybody, etc).

Oh geez, now you’re spending more life force proving how hurt you are, and proving a crappy belief about yourself!
 


What movie clip of “what’s wrong” are you replaying to yourself again and again?

Who are you trying to “prove” to, that you got so hurt?

A parent? The person who hurt you?

 What would it be like if you just (inhale, experience, acknowledge, and exhale)… let it go? Can you just experience that for a moment, and breathe a few more times?
Resentments can also be a deep form of hiding, like a shield. They keep us hidden. Smug and silent; they they keep us playing small.


There are people, and situations in present time that cause you pain, or contraction, because they remind you of past time betrayals and wounding (or perceived wounding, sometimes it wasn’t really about you at all).
Usually they are stuffed down into our unconscious minds.


So many of my friends, and colleagues, though, do the personal, spiritual work to bring to light these things. I love it.
Watching others go through their process always helps me with mine.


 Life can be messy at times. Yesterday, I experienced a profound awakening as a result of letting go of a deep resentment and forgiving a colleague who I experienced harm and deep betrayal from several years ago. The anger, sadness and shame were only harming me. I'm feeling the strength and courage to step up once again to my purpose, power, and passion. Stay tuned.   ~ Shera Sever, igniting the spark (sherylsever.com)

 


 
Search your heart, and your psyche, for injustices that you still harbor, forgive them, and let them go. Some of those injustices you actually feed your energy to!
You feed them by allowing yourself to think about them, and relive the hurt, again and again. The mind replays what the heart can’t delete.
You tell yourself how badly this has affected your life, and blame the other again and again.
Maybe you feel like you have no choice.
You go into a victim consciousness, where everything happens to you, and you take no personal responsibility for it. Therefore, nothing can change. Ever.
You tell yourself stories, or you tell your friends, and colleagues stories about the incident, as if more people who know your story, proves you right even more. After a while, you are proving the fault again and again, and you lose your sense of choice, and of responsibility.


It is usually when these games come into consciousness, like in therapy, or meditation, or looking inward, or when one day, you just get it, that somehow, you have choked the light, and bliss out of yourself.

Begin at the beginning.


Begin at the beginning, by saying hello to yourself. Here in the now, in present time. Here, where you can act, where you have choice, and where you have power.

Here are some life affirming, and healthy responses to resentment, from Mark Sichel L.C.S.W. (Psychology Today, 3/3/2011)

10 steps to letting go of resentment

1.       Approach it as the addictive state of mind it is.

2.       2. Realize that you are using resentment to replicate old dramas and acknowledge that you cannot change the past.

3.      3. Examine how your resentment may come from mentally confusing people in your present life with people from your past.

4.    
Acknowledge that you cannot control those who have rejected you.

5.     
Recognize that your resentment gives you only illusions of strength. Instead, highlight and validate your real strength, and power.

6.      Learn to identify signals that provoke resentment. Apply the acronym HALT, widely used in 12 step programs: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired.

7.       Practice cognitive behavioral techniques to stop indulging in resentment. Put a thought between your feelings of resentment and indulging in ruminating about them.

8.      Acknowledge your part in allowing the abuse to occur, forgive yourself for that, and make a decision to not let it occur again.

9.       Declare an amnesty with the person you resent and with yourself.

10.  
Forgive when you can, and practice willful, and deliberate forgetfulness when you cannot, keeping in mind that these acts are gifts to yourself rather than the capitulation to the people you resent.

 

 

As a clairvoyant, and as a light worker, I would also add, to forgive yourself for being a human being, for being imperfect, or programmed, or stuck.

Neutralize the energies that are so charged up, release the charge on all those layers surrounding that core belief.

As you work on letting go of your need to be right, pull your energy out of the incident, and out of the other person. That energy stuck in the past can expand into you right now. Deflate the incident, as you forgive the other person, and give them a simple spirit to spirit hello.

Maybe you have some karma with them, and this stuff has been going back and forth for a long time. Imagine seeing them, in your minds eye, near you. You are both attached to each other by cords, or ropes of energy.

Imagine now, that rising up from the floor, is a violet, transmuting flame. It is forgiveness itself. It does not destroy, but simply transmutes the energy, to a higher vibration.
I like to imagine it like a small tornado, but you may see this flame as you wish, just see it rising up through you from the ground, and burning through all the cords, and ropes connecting you to the other person. You can have eye contact with that person, or not. Just allow. Again, pull your energy out of the hurt, or the perceived hurt, and let the violet colored flame do it’s magic. Maybe feel your heart expanding, and becoming whole. Complete this exchange now. Say, “I forgive you. Please forgive me. I am free, and you are free too. Go in peace.”

 


When you are finished with the flame, allow it to go back down into the earth, where it can heal our precious planet.

You may wish to do this forgiveness exercise with more than one person. You may wish to do it with the layers of hurt, and victim consciousness in your own space, and even help heal and release that limiting belief in the center of all this drama, which was the Velcro that was attracting these experiences ad nauseum.

Take a deep breath, and relax. Time to replace that belief with something sweeter. Create an affirmation for yourself, with a positive, active, fiat (or declaration), that works. “ I deserve love.“ Or, “I am now easily creating new experiences in my life replacing the old belief with the new, and I heal myself”.
“Other peoples words and actions cannot affect my power in this world, or my trust in the good of this world”. I have choice in how I will handle this.

It works, if you let it. Understanding the workings of deep resentments, can be so healing and freeing, and so can healing the cords, and ropes connecting you to certain people. Letting go of those old beliefs are absolutely possible. This is not the first time you have forgiven, and it will not be your last. We are spirit, in human bodies, learning as we go. Old, worn out, limiting beliefs
get changed, like old tires on a car. They served you for a while, but now it’s time to move on.

Blessings, Helena


Here are some good quotes to end this blog topic:


When you hold resentment toward another, you’re bound to that person by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.  – Catherine Ponder

 Forgiveness is letting go of the pain and letting go of our right to get even. –Kevin Martineau

 Every single person in this world is wounded and struggling in their own unique way. When you allow yourself to completely see that, you open the door to unlimited compassion and love, which, by default, leads to genuine and authentic forgiveness.
-Jennifer Wardowski


Until you understand your Core Story, whatever it is, and how it made you who you are today, your foundation will reflect only your unconscious beliefs about yourself, real or imagined, positive or negative.  When you delve into your subconscious beliefs about your lot in life, whether you believe you deserve to be happy or sad, successful or unsuccessful, only then do you have the chance to change the story that is replaying over and over in your head and determining how you go through life. 
Lucinda Bassett

 
As our beliefs actually change, so do our experiences. – Carol Sheffield

Believe in poverty and you will be poor.
Believe in wealth and you will be rich.
Believe in love and you will have love.
Believe in health and you will be healthy. -Napoleon Hill

 
Millionaires have transcended their beliefs that they couldn’t be millionaires. (Notice the results.)

You will have so much more energy, peace, and even love for yourself by forgiving those resentments, and releasing that old pain. Lucky you!

 

  


 

2 Comments

    Author

    Helena Mazzariello is an artist, clairvoyant, healer, and teacher, in gratitude and joy to be playing the game of life with her friends.

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