Clean, righteous anger is so healthy for the body, the mind, and the soul. Whether you can express it outwardly, or need to scream it down a well, or throw rocks into the ocean or lake, it’s a part of being human, of protecting your boundaries, and of communicating what is not right, not working, not fair, and needs to change.
I have been watching a “Wisdom of Trauma" summit with the famous doctor Gabor Maté, and it is powerful. What triggered me in the movie was when he was working with a man who was dealing with cancer, and Gabor noted that in his findings with clients, most people who get cancer have a similar personality signature: they tend to have a hard time expressing their anger, they care more about another's needs than their own, and they feel great responsibility for others. They care too much about what others think, and avoid causing the stress of others, even if they don’t express their anger because of it.
His book, and talks on “When the Body Says No”, is groundbreaking, enlightening, and can be healing if you choose to look within. (I’ll post a youtube link for you at the end of this blog).
That was my dad, that was Terry, and that is me as well.
Terry had lots of anger, but he couldn’t express it cleanly, and he had a hard time with it, so he avoided doing so.
My Dad had had enough in his childhood, and just wanted peace.
I have a hard time expressing it, sometimes even accessing it. To keep the peace? Enabling? Because I am afraid of what people will do? Because of the repercussions?
Afraid that what comes out of my mouth will be so much harsher, since I’ve held it in for so long?
Because I am a nice person? Because I don’t want to see others in pain or hurt?
Growing up, we were all afraid of my moms anger. She had many emotions, but anger had us all stressed. Maybe it was because she was old school mom, raising 5 kids. Perhaps it was because she channelled something quite dark, and it came out then.
I tended to be the nice girl, the good girl (at least until my adolescence), and definitely the over sensitive one!
That kindness and sensitivity has become the cornerstone of my creativity, of my healing abilities, and my demeanor.
It wasn’t until later that I learned to have boundaries, and that healthy emotions include healthy anger, even rage.
Healthy is all the range of emotions.
In my years of doing readings, I can see if a person is expressing their own anger, or, the anger of someone else.
In your own space, someone else’s anger can feel like it is out of control, that it can’t be processed, it has no beginning and no end.
I just witnessed that yesterday, in an episode.
As emotionally draining it was for me, (and embarrassing, as it was in my front yard early Saturday morning) it freed me in a way, and taught me a lot.
Some of which I am still processing.
I’m learning why I do the work that I do.
What tools I still need.
And how to process it, and release it.
How to sit with the discomfort of other people being in pain, and unhappy with us. Or, unhappy, and not trying to fix them. Checking in on what you need while having difficult conversations, and setting boundaries.
Eye contact. Breathing through it.
Being present with the discomfort. There may be old trauma there, wounding, pain, and some weird velcro energy that keeps this happening in your life.
What is the learning lesson?
Grateful to have energy tools.
Having a “being whack” headache, the next day, after an exhausting escapade with someones angry and acting out being.
I know this very well, and also, I know the anxiety of it escalating into something big…a screaming match, a broken glass, a destruction of some sort.
And this time, as in other times, I felt it first.
Upon awaking, I felt the stomach tightening, and the heart also, and a feeling of dread, or fear.
There shouldn’t be those feelings, as nothing risky was to happen.
But there it was.
It was a simple situation of having some work done in my yard. The person (who brought a helper) measured something incorrectly, and had to spend time fixing it. Instead of apologizing and owning it, he blamed me, started yelling, threatening to leave it the way it is and go.
The atmosphere felt so very tense, almost explosive. I was a bit shaken, and went inside, not sure if it would get done, or not.
I still had my pajamas on, it was early, so I went back in, had coffee and took a shower and got dressed. Why did I feel so shaken?
In the middle of all this, I went inside, and sat down and said hello to my crown, my sovereignty, and my healthy boundaries, and then, said hello to the being.
Aha! That's what it was!
Ok, it all started making sense. It wasn't the man, but something living inside of him. He was channeling it.
So I centered myself, and began to talk to the being living inside this guy (who I guess was fixing the project outside, as they were still there, I could hear them working.
I told it (telepathically, firmly) that it is NOT welcome here, and MUST wait outside the yard, on the street.
No more destruction!
I see you, and all your anger. If you want some help, or some healing, there is a place for you (showing him the waiting room crystal, a healing tool that I use).
I could sense him listening, and so surprised that I could see him.
It did calm down, and I heard them working outside. When I went to check on the work, and take a photo, it was already finished! I saw the man's back, but he just walked down the driveway, and left (with the being).
His partner was still here, though, and spoke with me and profusely apologized for him. This is not a new behavior, that happens to him sometimes.
I was grateful for that conversation.
It grounded me.
The man returned with lunch for them both, and some beer. They were finished with the project, and it looked excellent. I think the beer or two placated the being, because it was all so much calmer. I felt safer. All was ok. His partner had cleaned and packed up the tools, and took his truck home.
I continued to find my space, and ground, and breathe, and gathered what I owed him. Everything was settling.
After I paid him, I told him that his partner apologized for him.
I said that how he acted was similar to my past partner's outbursts, and when it happened to him, it was very hard on his body. It would sometimes mean a sharp headache for the rest of the day, like a migraine.
I knew, though, that the outburst was not him; even his face and his walk changed. And, as this phenomena is so atmospheric, the entire room, or sometimes house would change, even if it was inside of a car. It was as if the ceiling was getting lower, or like the heavy energy just before an electrical storm.
I said that if he did not take care of this and change it in himself, that it would cause havoc in his space, and continue on into his children. It is very hard on his body.
I held my heart, while I said that that behavior is not ok with me, that we need much better communication. His actions are not acceptable here, and we need crystal clear communication on future projects.
I told him that I have to speak up about it, for myself, my integrity, because that is abusive, and I have dealt with this before.
He did apologize, and I saw that he was back in his body again. Yes, better communication next time. Yes, he also seemed to agree that the out of control anger was not him, and yet he didn't understand it.
(I could sense it to be a family ancestor, male, angry, and a bit of a drinker.
Everything calmed after he had two beers, and ate.)
The man I have been writing about is a very nice, competent man with a lot of integrity. He's a great guy. He just has a squatter stuck inside of him, and it causes pain and destruction to himself, and others. If it is a "not well yet" ancestor, well, he really didn't have much of a choice.
Well, he does, he just doesn't know it.
How stressful and weird. I felt a lot of emotions….energetically whacked by an angry entity, scared that the men would leave and I would be stuck with a mess, and embarrassed that this was happening outside in my front yard in the early morning. And I'm in my pajamas, and before coffee.
I was grateful, that I spoke to the being, and stated my boundaries.
That evening as I decompressed, I still had a bit of "being headache" but I was ok, and healed myself.
Much later, perhaps the morning, I felt very fragile, and weepy, like I had hit a nerve, or that a lot of pain was being released. My scared child self. How long has this been going on?
I spent today going a bit slower, and spent time in nature to heal. The big healing happened though, when I spoke up for myself, and spoke the truth. I stayed in the uncomfortableness of it. Of being an empath, a sensitive, who can sense and see spirit, a person who has been abused by peoples entities for a very long time. So long, that it became the backdrop of my relationship.
Being at the effect of, feeling unsafe, and running around trying to fix it.
This is a big reason why I do the work that I do, to help others who experience this. The being, and the human are both in pain because of it. I was taught to use the phrase "suffering soul" instead of being, or entity, but I chose to use the word "being" here. In this case they are interchangeable. It also helps to be compassionate, as well as having boundaries.
Yes, you can have both.
The next night, I was working with my guides for healing, maybe 6am. I asked for healing from my Ascended Master “brothers”, and my teachers.
They showed me all the times where I was subject to that (a rageful, angry being in my own partner, who recently passed).
Many years of it sulking, creating drama, nasty, hurtful. And who I became, to be able to deal with it.
There was so. Much. Pain. Years, decades of it. Many times it was in public. The entity ran the show. It was abusive.
Never physical, but taxing.
And I'm just so nice.
My partner was many things, including a wonderful, peaceful, patient, loving, and creative person. But, he had a being which disrupted both of our lives. I didn't have the tools in the beginning to deal with it, but I did get them. And now, I help others.
I got a healing, and released so much of that pain, and fear, and abuse energy. It was powerful.
I am still healing from the work they did, releasing a lot of past emotion, mostly pain, and fear, and other peoples energy.
I am telling you this story, to help you understand that even nice, kind people can have a squatter living within them, that can cause drama, pain, chaos, destruction, and can affect everyone around them.
Perhaps the person chose it for protection, perhaps the being is addicted to something, and uses the person. Perhaps the entity is just really stuck, and needs some help.
Maybe you know someone like that, that seems to change suddenly, dramatically, and the energy of the whole room changes.
Perhaps you are that person. Perhaps it is someone close to you.
What are some good tools to have when you encounter this in another?
How do you keep your sovereignty? (And what is that, exactly?)
What if that person doesn't believe, or doesn't want help?
What if it is overwhelming?
Or depressing?
Or causes physical symptoms?
If you need a reading from me, for yourself, or a relationship reading about this, please feel free to get one from me. You can get a lot of information that way, or, get a Hello as spirit. It can be so helpful.
Go to the Store page for that.
I also do shamanic sessions to help the suffering being, and healing sessions to help the person regain wholeness, zip up the energetic boundaries around them, and help the being find help, closure, and a better place to be.
The angry being may just be a very stuck, suffering soul, who hasn't seen any light in a long, long time.
Go to the Shamanic Healing page for that. There are more articles there for you to read, that can be very informative, and helpful.
Remember, that things aren't always what they seem. A rageful being could be a very lost, or very sad being, or perhaps had at one time a perfectly good reason for being that enraged. Sometimes just talking it through, being sacred witness in a compassionate (but sovereign, and safe) place can change everything, and this stuck soul can find something better, a better place to live.
I give a free, short talk, and you can bring your questions, or stories about this every other Wednesday, on Zoom.
You can find out more here, on upcoming events and I'll send you the link.
Lastly, here is the link to the Youtube lecture of Dr Gabor Maté, on "When the body says no", a truly fascinating talk on the negative consequences of always appeasing others, when perhaps your inner you is strongly saying no. It is truly worth the listen.
I give a free, short talk, and you can bring your questions, or stories about this every other Wednesday, on Zoom.
You can find out more here, on upcoming events and I'll send you the link.
Lastly, here is the link to the Youtube lecture of Dr Gabor Maté, on "When the body says no", a truly fascinating talk on the negative consequences of always appeasing others, when perhaps your inner you is strongly saying no. It is truly worth the listen.
Many blessing as you go about your day, your summer, and here's to your eternal growth and healing.
And may all beings be free. ~Helena
And may all beings be free. ~Helena
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