Who am I?
When did I stop singing?
When did I stop dancing?
When did I stop being enchanted by stories?
When did I stop being comfortable with silence...?
What is my relationship to the world?
What is my relationship to my body?
What is my relationship to my heart and soul?
These are questions a healer or shaman may ask you.
They are incredibly powerful questions. There may have been an event, a trauma, a huge slam of a wall that stopped your life force, your power, or your innocent joy. That simple joy of life that is taken for granted by most until you lose it.
Perhaps it was an event that shook you to your core; a violation of some sort, a horrible event, or accident.
It also could have been a slow choking internal death of your joy, by watching your parents go through a divorce, or being ignored in your infancy, or being told over and over that you were worthless, or not good enough. Competition can kill your joy, even if it is you in competition with yourself.
Sometimes, as a child, you are brimming over with that innocent joy, and boundless creative force, and then are told to shut the F$@k up.
Words can be like daggers, and the wounds can never heal, and fester in your space.
In getting a healing, a Soul Retreival session, perhaps doing some shadow work, or pulled up in meditation, or hypnotherapy, we can begin to unravel that place, that used to be singing and dancing, but got polluted, or lost its power, or, became hidden, because it was not safe anymore.
Sometimes it finds another place to live, in the dark places in you, your shadow side, where your unconscious can become a soup of untold wounds, festering into hatreds, and fears, and strange decicions about those hatreds and fears.
Shadow work can be enlightening, amazing, transforming, and extremely powerful. You will truly know yourself. Respect your shadow self, as it is a piece of you. There is so much to learn, and healing work can happen here, in terms of
When you stopped singing,
When you stopped dancing,
When you stopped being enchanted by stories,
when your innocent, creative, loving self, felt it needed to hide.
I wonder if we can remember, when we hid that part, or when we stood there, as someone screamed at us, and the creativity just crawled out of us, and went under the bed.
I recently did a soul retrieval for someone who was having trouble owning her artistic side, (as she wanted to devote much more time to being an artist, she just felt so blocked, and hindered).
We retrieved a part of her that was drawing on the wall as a child, making an incredible “masterpiece” of drawing her whole family. Her dad saw it, and boy did he yell at her! He destroyed it in front of her.
We also saw some past lives, where she was an artist, but her hand had gotten crushed. The dread, and trauma, and sadness, and regret still lingered in the present moment.
And one where she was an amazing craftswoman, of beadwork, and basketry. She and her partner had to leave their home in haste, as their whole village was destroyed by fire. Everything. Gone. Such loss.
It can seep into this lifetime as a “stop” energy, even if you had forgotten. Or a “I did something bad, and I don’t deserve this good thing.
Even childhood, even present time reasons for stopping your joy and life force can be brought to light, we can witness the pain, the trauma, or fear, and then create another storyline. There is much learning here, and perhaps reconciliation, an understanding.
That wisdom gleaned, can be the magic elixir that changes us.
We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.
Proust –
Soul loss is the idea that parts of our soul or spirit break away during traumatic life experiences, leaving us less vital. In psychology this idea is known as dissociation, where a person may have no memory of the trauma or seem disassociated or overly detached from their current life.
Even after we discover the trauma, or the soul loss, or the decisions we made to hide our pain, or fear, we may need to forgive ourselves, or someone, so that we can begin again, so that we can start to sing, and dance. Forgiveness for all the time we spent not living fully, of not taking in that full inhalation of life. Perhaps forgiveness of the perpetrator, and perhaps that perpetrator is ourselves. We did the best that we could at the time, with what we had, and with what we knew.
Forgiveness helps us to move on, and live in the present. It is a gift you give to yourself.
And also, more lightheartedly,
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much ~ Oscar Wilde
Sometimes there are people to share this journey to joy with, and sometimes, you need to do it alone.
I am grateful to witness this re-membering with others when facilitating a soul retrieval, or healing work in a reading.
Being present to this journey is a blessing for us both.
This same powerful work, in a way, is what can happen in the work of compassionate depossession.
A spirit just like you, or I, but without a body of their own, who is hiding out in the energy field of another.
They may not be aware that they are there; they may have been there a long time. They may be very stuck, in pain, or in rage, or in trauma.
Sometimes, just saying hello to them, and getting them to tell you their story, is a huge healing for them, and can help them, to decide to take a next step.
Are you aware that you are in this woman’s body?
Are you aware that you are causing her great distress?
What happened to you, that got you stuck here?
Tell me your story.
Let me tell you this story, it happened last night. I called my mom yesterday (she is in her 90’s).
She likes to hear about the work I do, as a psychic, and as a healer, and as a Shamanic practitioner.
I am grateful for this, beyond words. Our conversations bring me such joy, and richness, and validation. Oh, to be heard and understood and accepted by my mom, in the work that I do! I cannot tell this to everyone, and that is ok.
In our conversation yesterday, I told her about the depossession and curse unraveling work I had just done the day before, and how, by speaking to the being directly, and hearing it’s story, and being a compassionate but firm witness. The truth coming out seemed to melt all that anger and rage, into a very lost, and hurt being, that didn’t know it had the sovereignty to release itself and move on with its life. When other members of its family (tribe) started showing up to help him to his next step, healing was already happening.
My mom asked, “Do you think that evil exists?”
Well, in many ways I do, I told her.
But sometimes, what seemed like something evil, was actually something very wounded, and very guarded, or, something trapped into being there, forgetting that it has a choice.
My mom then told me this story.
"I was a very good artist, when I was young. I did many drawings, and even cartoons. I used crayons to color, and I just loved it. It gave me such joy.
I even did a self-portrait, which was remarkable. It looked like a mirror image of myself, it was that good! I kept it on top of the refrigerator in the kitchen of our house. I was about 13 years old. One day, something dark, came into me, there, in the kitchen. It was evil. I took my precious drawing, and ripped it up. I handed it to the garbage man outside, as he was coming to pick up the trash.
But I was a very good artist!
There was something evil there, in the kitchen".
(Was it evil? Was it a being? Is it still in her, causing her pain? I could sense it was, and was still listening, even though I didn’t sense it as evil, just old, and lost. I suspect it came through her parents, but, then, that is a different story, for another blog post.
She really didn’t do any art after that. But I did.
I remember my first creative venture, it was making collages with my mom, at about 3 years old. She would draw a tree for us, and I would cut out pictures of animals, like squirrels, from a magazine, and she would help me paste them onto the tree. I loved it!
I spent much of my life being an artist. Her joy showed me the way. She gave me permission, where, perhaps she did not give herself that same permission.
Her joy was in her garden, in planting and enjoying flowers, and fish, turtles, and the wonderful statues, etc, that go along with a little enchanted garden.
She showed me the invisible fairies, and gnomes in the flower garden, and by the little pond and fountain in our yard, and by the brook that was nearby our house.
I spend time with the fairies, and gnomes to this day. I draw them; they bring me so much joy, to be near them. I even bought a home, which has a creek on the property. I go there every day, and it fills my heart to overflowing.
Also, I couldn’t have done it with out my Mom’s help.
So, she did not stop being creative, but she did stop drawing.
Did she create that aspect of her shadow side then and there?
Our conversation was so very healing.
And, she understood, that the “thing” in the kitchen, that felt evil, could perhaps be a suffering soul, that couldn’t have joy, and did not want her to have it.
And the thing in the kitchen, so very long ago, got a healing, from listening in to our conversation.
Just a start, but a powerful start. I think that “thing” lives in our family line, and cannot have, very much.
I think I will buy that guy some crayons, and some paper, for Christmas.
I will give him a hello.
And I will ask him,
Who are you?
When did you stop singing?
When did you stop dancing?
When did you lose your joy?
You will have to stand someplace you’ve never been willing to stand before. Go to places you have deemed off limits. This is the time to take off the shell of your past and step into the rich possibilities of your future. ~Debbie Ford
Gentle blessings on your day, and enjoy the completion of this year! Here is a post and meditation to pull your energy out of last year, so you can have it in the present. Good to do for the new year!
https://www.spiritinjoy.com/blog/a-meditation-to-complete-last-year-and-pull-your-energy-out
copyright helenamazzariello/spiritinjoy 2018
This lovely cartoon is from a coloring book. Highly recommended. Here is her page.
https://www.colourwithclaire.com/latest/the-sad-ghost-club-colouring-book
Scrooges third visitor, the ghost of Christmas present. John Leech, 1843
Bring yourself the gift of your joy, into the present moment. You deserve it.
Bring yourself the gift of your joy, into the present moment. You deserve it.
We do not become healers.
We came as healers. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become storytellers.
We came as carriers of the stories we and our ancestors actually lived. We are. Some of us are still catching up to what we are. We do not become artists. We came as artists. We are. Some of us are still catching up to what we are. We do not become writers.. dancers.. musicians.. helpers.. peacemakers. We came as such. We are. Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not learn to love in this sense.
We came as Love. We are Love.
Some of us are still catching up to who we truly are.
- A Simple Prayer for Remembering the Motherlode by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
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